on friday evening, while looking at cars online our computer just stopped working. the irony is that it is an hp laptop, and hp announced saturday morning that they would no longer be making computers. figures. my first thought was “not again…not another thing!” (see the post threes.) my next thought was full of panic: “what about all my photos!” of course i didn’t back them up, OF COURSE I DIDN’T BACK THEM UP! i was really worried and so angry at myself. it looks like the smarty-pants guys at the computer fixer store will be able to recover all our data, though, so that’s a welcome relief. the down side, of course, is that we had to buy a new computer- we just can’t live without one. in some ways i was shaking my head at how pathetic and spoiled that sounded to my ears. “wah, no internet! what am i gonna dooooooo?” yeah, well, we really do depend on it! mike sells regularly on amazon and i have my etsy shop, not to mention my social connections are all dependent on the internet too (okay, see…that part sounds SO bratty!) so, by sunday afternoon, i was feeling a little out of breath and anxious about this whole computer issue. i was torn- fact: we need to get a computer fact: we can’t afford to get a new computer fact: we can’t afford NOT to get a new computer fact: spending mucho money is super stressful.
and so, onward and upward , we got new computer. and so, after only a few days without access to the internet and all it provides for me, i feel relief and comfort. i sometimes fantasize about living a simpler life. i imagine no computer, no cell phones, less stuff. in my fantasy this space would be filled with more- more time, more money, more breathing, more quality time, more space, more rich living. and after some time to adjust, i really think it would wonderful in many ways. the drawback is that now i do most of my communicating through email, facebook and this blog. i have connected with people i would never have otherwise met. i keep in touch with cousins and far away friends. i have cultivated my business through etsy and brick & mortar shops. i have started this blog and “met” other inspiring bloggers. all that said, i love the technology i have and don’t mind feeling a little dependent. i know when to stop, put down the computer, turn off the phone and look at my husband. i know when to make plans and visit face-to-face. i am able to separate and disconnect in order to live that simple life i fantasize about. i can live that life and this one, no problem. it’s all about balance. i talk and think about balance a lot. the ebb and flow of life- daily routines, unexpected this or that, happy, sad, up and down- it is all about balance and confidence. i just have to remind myself that being “plugged in” is okay, as long as i know when to unplug and step away from the computer and go confidently into the world!
part of this balance i speak of comes in the form of a schedule. i work well with structure…not so well without it. i can keep myself busy all day long doing this or that but this and that is often not what i should be doing with my day. some of this and that is cleaning and general straightening/organizing, but i can waste weeks organizing and re-organizing my house & life. it’s my busy work. and i love doing it, so even better. the problem is, it looks like i did a lot and i feel accomplished until i realize it has been weeks since i sat down at my sewing machine. not good. in the spirit of school starting all around me, i have decided to make myself a schedule and stick to it. (these cool fall-like mornings get me all jazzed up for new beginnings and fresh starts, similar to cool spring mornings). so, starting today i am on a schedule…and i have 5 minutes to wrap this up and move on to part 2 of my day!
i thrive on balance. live by it. without it i would lose hope. i see your ebb and raise you some flow! be brave.
the above artwork is by the amazing sally harless of sadly harmless. you have seen her here before, and these new shadow boxes are just the bees knees! they inspire me. thanks for that, sally.
(and i am already behind on my first day with a schedule. eh, balance, right?)